So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
