the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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