I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You took a bar mat shot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
