You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
