Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
