the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
