Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
