Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
