i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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