WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
