Plan B is the new Plan A
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
