Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
