Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
