Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
