I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
