That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
