I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home