I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!