i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex