I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ