He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
