i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize