I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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