see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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