is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
