i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
