Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
