Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize