I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
