I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
