u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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