JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
