Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
