I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
