im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't deserve a penis
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.