i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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