does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
