Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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