Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
