Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
