I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
