I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
