i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even my vagina gasped.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
