I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
please come you make the beer taste better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
