Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
