oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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