I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
