He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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