you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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