Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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