I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
