Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
