nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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