just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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