scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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