Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
