I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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