Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
