I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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