Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
