It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
