Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
