Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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