Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
