dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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