Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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