Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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