I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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