I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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