You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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