I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
