Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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