i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
