if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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