C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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