remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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