So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
