She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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